It is fairly easy to ruin even the most solid of the relationships. The sad truth is we may not even know we are making these mistakes. You might be doing everything right and on the surface it may even seem like you have a solid bond. One fine day when your significant other just lashes out or sits down and says “we need to talk” it comes as a total surprise. The problem is that our behaviors, actions, thoughts and even words are governed by our personality. Our past experiences, exes and even the fact if we have been single and guarded for a long time shape us who we will be as partners. The same goes for your partner too.
The core of the problem is what might make one relationship could break another. Every relationship is different; however, there are some things which can weaken even the most solid of the bonds. Don’t we all wish even relationships came with some sort of a manual? Sadly, there is very little accurate information about how to maneuver on the rocky roads of a relationship. If you were lucky and your parents had a solid marriage I am sure you must have learnt a lot from them. However, if you are like most people well you have got to learn from your mistakes.
5. Thinking It’s Going To Be Easy
In the initial period of courtship both you and your partner have been on their best behavior. During the honeymoon period as I’d like to call it you are both discovering each other. There is passionate love making and most of the things seem nice. When a relationship changes from casual to committed most of us enter it with high expectations.
This is where the problem starts. If you are living together the problem might not be about who does the dishes or who takes out the trash. These are very minute things. The problem is when you get too comfortable with each other, you unconsciously start taking the other person for granted. You may make a weekend plan without asking your partner or you might do something else which might seem like a brilliant idea to you, but it is not necessary that they might feel the same. You at some level start to feel you are single again and may do things which you were doing before and not be as committed to your partner’s needs as you were in the beginning.
- You aren’t fighting but this can build tension.
- You still love each other but you spend more time being mad at each other and it is confusing both of you.
- You may think that the relationship can sustain since you two have been so great together, without actually putting any work in it.
- It could start from you making weekend plans which he doesn’t want to join and the tension slowly increases.
4. Too Much Togetherness
On the other end of the spectrum is doing everything together. It is just not about sharing your bed but you always feel you have a partner in crime. You will drag him to shopping or take him hiking; whereas he is into sports and even the sight of the malls gives him a headache. Similarly, he could be making you watch his sci-fi movies or ask you to accompany you to the next Panthers game, even though you are a romantic comedy kind of girl and as far as it comes to sports you barely know a thing.
Don’t we all wish even relationships came with some sort of a manual? Sadly, there is “very little accurate information about how to maneuver on the rocky roads of a relationship. If you were lucky and your parents had a solid marriage I am sure you must have learnt a lot from them.”
In the beginning you might do these things for each other but you don’t have to be glued to the hip all the time. What is the point of being there flinching inside when you can’t wait for that thing to be over. This is another tension builder and you are quiet just because you don’t want to hurt them.
- You and your partner or one of you can start feeling trapped.
- If there is no release valve the tension is going to dissipate the love.
- Remember, you have your own individual identity, hobbies, interests and friends too
- It is natural to get bored of someone you are with almost twenty-four-seven.
- All the petty little tensions and frustration can build into bitterness and remorse if you don’t do something about too much togetherness.
3. Failure To Communicate
How many times while watching a movie you thought to yourself “Man this would’ve not happened if they would just talk to each other”. Well, this is exactly how real life relationships are too. If you would actually start talking to each other a lot of problems could be solved. You are talking to each other every day but every time you try to discuss something beyond each other’s day it turns into another yelling match or you just stay quiet to avoid an argument.
“If you are living together the problem might not be about who does the dishes or who takes out the trash. These are very minute things. The problem is when you get too comfortable with each other, you unconsciously start taking the other person for granted.”
Not communicating effectively is the biggest reason for relationships ruining. Men and women communicate differently. Their brains are just different and that’s something you just can’t change. If you have been with your partner for quiet sometime and feel he still doesn’t get you or if something goes wrong and his response is “how was I suppose to know”, that means there is a major communication gap between the two of you and if you don’t work on it, it will just increase.
- Holding back on little things and thinking I will just let go of it is completely fine, but if these things are pushing you and your partner away from each other, they are not.
- Going along just for the sake of getting along allows these petty issues to fester up and result in big fights.
- When you end up showing your anger as it builds up you let your partner get confused. This is for the simple reason they don’t understand where you are coming from or what the real reason behind all the anger is.
2. Believing That Secrets Aren’t Lies
A good relationship is based on trust and honesty, first and foremost. It is these two things which bring out respect and love for each other. Dishonesty is not about straight out lying. It is also about keeping secrets. When you think a secret is not a lie, you are keeping a part of yourself or of something you did or experienced from your partner.
“How many times while watching a movie you thought to yourself “Man this would’ve not happened if they would just talk to each other”. Well, this is exactly how real life relationships are too. If you would actually start talking to each other a lot of problems could be solved.”
Ask yourself why is it that you want to keep it from them? Do you feel your partner will get mad at you? Do you feel they will judge you or is it because you feel it might lead to another fight? If you are keeping secrets from each other due to any of these reasons, then that means you and your partner lack the comfort to be completely exposed to each other.
- “I thought I wouldn’t tell him, but I didn’t exactly lie about it either”, the statement is contradictory as omission of facts is considered a lie.
- If you didn’t share anything with your partner, ask yourself what was the real reason.
- Remember, it is impossible to keep covering up your tracks forever. One day the truth may come out and at that time it is natural for a partner to start wondering what other things have you lied about.
1. Lack Of Quality Time
Our lives are busier than ever, this is especially true if you are married, have kids, a house to take care of and bosses to answer to. Most couples spend time together but they do not take out couple time. The time spent together is at dinner table, or watching T.V. Another plague infesting its way into relationships is that of social media. Yes, we spend more time glued onto our mobile phones than anything else.
It is said to see we are more connected to our friends sitting on the other side of the world, but are slowly growing apart from our partners. This is again a mistake which is being made unconsciously. Your partner might have something interesting to share or might be a little down for some reason. When you are distracted by your phone or T.V. you might not notice these things.
- No matter how busy you are make sure you take out time just for each other.
- Go on dates, just like you used to.
- If you have kids, it is OK to get a babysitter and spend time or go on a movie night with your partner.
- Do the things you used to enjoy doing as a couple.
- This again comes down to taking our partners for granted and by the time you realize you have drifted apart too far it is too late.
Do analyze yourself, where are you going wrong with your relationship. All these mistakes that we pointed out to you are not grave mistakes, but these are sure to ruin any relationship. So, keep an eye out for these. If you are making these or any of these correct yourself. If your partner does any of these things I pointed out in this article than you need to sit and have a chat with him.
Some Pointers for a Healthy Relationship
Here are a few things that you must keep in mind to make sure your relationship stays rock-solid.
- Relationships are about courtesy and realizing you have to do things as a team, off course not all the time but both the partners should realize how their choices and actions affect their partner.
- Relationships are like plants, which require constant nurture and care. Just like you need to give plant water, you have to take care of your relationship, every day.
- Both the people in a relationship require physical as well as emotional space from time to time. You and your partner should both have respect for this ‘individual space’ and should know when to give it to each other.
- If secrets are kept when they come out in the open trust and honesty the two most pivotal foundations of your relationship are shaken. It takes a lot of work and willingness from both the sides to work on rebuilding these
- We often show the symptoms of our frustrations, but fail to show the real cause.
- Not explaining the root cause of an issue at times, can actually flare up the situation instead of diffusing it.